Raising Atheist Children

One of the things I haven't heard much about is how atheist parents raise their atheist children. Or, for that matter, how do atheist parents handle raising theist children? So here's an open question: how are YOU raising your children?

Here's my story:

When I was 20 I had my son. My hubby (at the time) was raised Lutheran (his father's religion) but really didn't care about religion one way or the other. His mother was Catholic - very Catholic. My father was Catholic - but a more typical Catholic. He had been told at the age of 14, by some abusive nuns, that if he had any impure (i.e. sexual) thoughts he'd go straight to hell and that'd be it for him. He looked them in the eyes and told them it was too late. He walked away and never went back. However, I still don't know if he believed in god. He simply never said. I don't think I asked. It wasn't an issue to me. My mother was raised a general "protestant". As an elderly women she joined the Methodist Church because she, in her words, "...missed the music..." I wasn't raised to either believe or not believe. Religion simply wasn't an issue in my upbringing.

As adults my sister became Russian Orthodox (her husband's religion). My other sister became an Episcopal and later a Mormon (the religion of her husband). She has moved away from the Mormons (after her divorce) and is looking into other denominations. Another brother is Ba'hai. The other brother never really seemed to believe (he used to run about the house yell "Odin!" at the top of his lungs), but has talked about joining the Russian Orthodox Church as that's what his wife has done (are we seeing a pattern here?). None are particularly devout - at least, not as of the last time I've heard about it from them. I'm the only open atheist, but I suspect one or two of the others may have leanings towards atheism.

On top of all this, I was raised in San Francisco, California. Need I say more? :-)

At the age of 20 I had been an atheist for 8 full years. I knew I wanted to raise my son without a religion, but I didn't want to dictate to him what his beliefs should be. I always made it clear to him that religion was solely his choice and I would love him and support him regardless of my own opinion of his choice. (However, when my father suggested I send him to a Catholic school I immediately recoiled. How could he, after how HE was treated??)

I've always been outspoken about my own beliefs, but when my son was young I tried to withhold my more...um... militant?... beliefs. I didn't want him to be afraid to tell me that he believed in a god.

As a small child he had a assumptive belief in god - like Santa and the Easter Bunny. Once he outgrew the latter, he dropped belief in god. I recall our conversation about Santa. We were walking around a department store doing some xmas shopping. He asked if Santa was real. I was honest and hold him no. Adults invented Santa and some used the myth try to control their children's behavior (like a good version of the boogey man), while others used the myth to try to bring a little more joy into the season. (I didn't get into the commercial promotion of the season - he was only about 7 at the time!) He accepted what I had to say just fine. In fact, when I told him that now he could help be Santa for his younger cousins, he was positively enthusiastic. Then I made a mistake - I made an offhand comment... something like, "...and you know, like the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy..." and he just stopped, looked at me wide-eyed and said slowly, "You mean... THEY aren't real EITHER?"

Oh dear. I had stepped in it. So I explained them all to him (without going into any discussion of god). After that conversation his talk of god tapered off to nearly nil. A few years later he informed me that he just didn't believe. I have to admit, my heart leaped for joy in my chest. I asked him why he didn't believe. He gave me good reasons for his disbelief: he simply had no faith, he had never seen or felt god, and he saw no evidence of god.

I was prouder of him at that moment than I had ever been. He had come to his own conclusion based on his life experiences and based on logical, sound thinking.

What more could a mother ask for? I have a 15-year old son who is intelligent, compassionate, empathetic (oh, do not hurt an animal around him or you'll be in trouble!), and not easily fooled. He has what he needs to make it through his life.